Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Walls are Continually Before Me

Gunna switch it up:  Here's some fun things I learned this week:
 
Thy Walls are Continually Before Me
Walls...There's all kinds of them.  Big ones, small ones, made of brick, made of clouds, or metal, or thoughts... And usually walls are associated with problems.   Christ has us written upon his palms and our 'walls' are continually before Him.  This statement has been stuck in my mind for quite sometime and I reflect on it then and again... And it's just amazing to me that we are so well known to the Savior of Mankind.  Sometimes I hit walls.  Don't go thinking that I don't!  This missionary work in Poland is not easy.  Sometimes I wonder... and have to stop myself... this wondering stuff, it's no good.  I've got to have faith and not wonder... 'what if's are icky...  Basically, Christ knows me.  He knows how to succor me.  I've just got to let Him in and remember it wasn't easy for him either.
 
Instruments in His Hands
Brat Onken in church yesterday painted me a really awesome picture of how we are Instruments in the Lord's hands.  He got up to bear his testimony in Sacrament Meeting and talked about how we should really just be instruments and life wouldn't seem so hard.  If we just turn our lives over to God and stop fighting against His will and if we just were teachable and not stuck up... Brat Onken graduated in music at BYU and he plays the piano like a pro.  So his idea was about the Piano and how pianos don't boast in themselves, they have no pride when you play their keys, instead they are just showing off what the player knows how to do.  Really all we have and are we owe to God and we should have less pride.  Something I need to definitely work on!  Having a 'Not My Will but Thine' attitude is really what this life is all about.  Sometimes I get all worried that Poland isn't progressing, that we're seeing nothing... ok not nothing but very, very little, that maybe I'm doing something wrong.  But then I think about how hard we work and I think that perhaps if God wanted the work to move forward it would... maybe it's just not his time yet.  So why am I so impatient!?
 
Called to be You
This one has been especially on my mind lately.  And Because of that, when President Edgren talked about it in our Missionary Leadership Council Meeting, I knew that the 'mantle has been passed' as they sometimes say, or that he for sure is in tune with the Spirit.  I know I wasn't called to be someone else.  But sometimes I feel as though I ought to be.  Sometimes I feel like I should be just as good as one of my previous companions, or be baptizing as many people as Gregg is, or have as much faith as Sister Hemming, or be as funny and spiritual as Sister Young... but then I must remember we're all a part of this big puzzle, and we're all different for a reason.  So what ere thou art act well thy part!  And I'm trying, promise I'm really trying!
 
Heavenly Father Approved
I read a talk this morning from this last April General Conference, by Elder Kopischka and it was about how we should be seeking the lord's acceptance and approval and not anyone elses.  This is also hard for me.  I know that people expect you to help people get baptized here in Poland, I'm trying, promise I'm really trying... But what does GOD want me to do?  Doesn't he want me to help people get baptized too?  And so I'm praying hard to figure this one out.  I know that I'm working hard, but I definitely could use His approval. So this week I will be praying to feel it, to feel that my strength and my energy is enough.
 
Do not avoid things that are hard
Yeah, okay so that's pretty self explanitory... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... it just hurts.
 
The Youth are Ready and Rising
Sounds like there's some crazy things happening with this influx of missionaries.  I'm so excited for the world to just get blown away by these missionaries.  The rising generation is so much better than me.  These new missionaries are blowing ME away.  I am comparing myself, and need to stop, but seriously - - their polish is better, they are figuring things out faster than I ever did... and the bar is ever rising... I feel as though I'm getting a bit left behind or old or... ugh!  No!  I don't want to slow down, I don't want to.  I don't want to be the one just training the ones with energy, I want to give my energy too...Sometimes I just wonder where is it?  ENERGY the pace is quickening!
 
Live Like you Mean it: Plan with Revelation: The Natural Man Wastes Time
President Edgren really emphasized planning.  I love planning.  It's hard sometimes because we mostly do our planning at night or on fridays when it takes forEVER, but in the end, if you plan well, you get results.  Please be planning your days and weeks!  And plan for the WHO!  When you think 'oh I'm going to bear lake, I'm going to luke's baseball game, and james' football game and...and...and' instead of thinking of just the places you are going, think of WHO you will see there.  What do they need?  What are their problems?  What can you study in personal scripture study TODAY that will HELP that person?  Plan ahead and the Lord will richly bless you, it's a promise.
"Inspired plans: Make no small plans, small plans have no power to ignite the hearts of man"
 
Arms WideR Open
Not just arms wide open, but WIDER.  President Edgren also talked about this.  We've just got to love, and love, and MORE LOVE!
 
Also, to say 'have fun' in polish you can say this, 'bawcie się dobrze' and I've been saying that every once and a while and apparently both of my companions thought I'd been saying 'Babcia dobrze' which means 'grandma well' um... HAHA!  They thought I'd been wishing everyone a good grandma... so that's fun...
 
Also, when I was in Warsaw I got some updates on some of my investegators there.  The one is 16 years old and her mom won't give her permission to get baptized but she's got a TESTIMONY of the BOOK OF MORMON!  That's great news!  I just pray and hope she can hold on until she's 18, when she can make her own decision.  Another sister is having a hard time gaining a testimony of living prophets and didn't pass her interview, so pray for her.  Ciesława is still sick and I guess isn't close to baptism either... arg...but we keep a chuggin'! :)
 
More one sentence awesomeness:
Get up in the morning and say 'i fear no man.'
They don't know what they don't have time for, we do - Be agressive
No plateauing and no excuses
Attitude is EVERYTHING
There was a story our president told us about a man who used to go down to BYU to watch the football games and return early Sunday morning and then got a calling in the bishopbric and wanted to know if he could just skype for the one meeting in the morning and then catch a different session of church later in the afternoon... um... president edgren was his stake president, I think, and told him he'd let him make the decision but that he told him, 'I envy you for the sacrifice you are able to make, this is something you love so much and you have been given a chance to give it all up for Him'  - man... what a way to look at life.  I should think about this when it's hard.  I'm giving it up.  Giving up the comfort and the... easiness... and man, I should be grateful that I can sacrifice for the Lord.  Besides, it's not like I'm one of the Sons of Mosiah who served 14 year missions!  Or Alma and Amulek who watched their recent converts burn in a fire, their women and children too!  Man... I'm lucky, really lucky.  And I'm not like Abinadi who died before knowing if he really did any good... that is quite a story.  Oh how I am grateful for the Book of Mormon!  And the Savior, who experienced it ALL.
 
Yeah, one more thing, President said that this country is really amazing.  That it's history is tragic, heroic, and amazing.  That God loves these people.  I got a bit teary eyed as he spoke when I again realized how much I love Poland.  I love this country.  Sometimes I forget how much I love it, but then there's the times I remember and those are really sweet.  President says he can see the day coming when the membership in Poland will reach 'Critical Mass, and quantum leaps'  - it 'may not be on our watch' but I think it'll get there, he said.  So I'm just hoping for that.  I pray really hard, and try not to doubt!  It's all going to be okay!
 
Yes, so I love you all, and I can't believe nathan is leaving us and there will be an even smaller band of the Ben 10 left in Provo.  Well, all the more blessings, I guess!  I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is TRUE!  God lives and loves us!  Keep up the good work and thanks for all the prayers!
Love,
Siostra Amber Allen

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